The End of an Era

I just called the last 18 months of my life an ear. No, wait. Typo. Era. An Era. "A time marked by distinctive events." Running. Lots and lots of running. And some yoga. And a little bit of parenting. A smidge of work. Stir it all together and what do you get?? A sub-four hour marathon in Philly. BAM!! 3:54 to be exact. That is a 12 minute PR from Chicago. This is a big deal for me. Huge.

It is tough to go from a marathon as epic as Chicago to the one in Philly. I mean, Chicago is so.... grand. I shouldn't blame Philly, it's really not her fault. Chicago would have ruined it for any marathon even close to it.

Pre Race
Shake Shack. Dunkin Donuts. Philly Cheese Steak. Beer. That pretty much sums it up.

Race Day
This is where I got serious. And by serious I mean focused. Like, super focused.

I'm a believer in visualization. I think if you truly believe that you can achieve your goal and you stay focused on it, you can totally achieve it. Like, totally, man. Disclaimer: I'm not crazy. I didn't wake up one morning and decide I could run a marathon at a certain time. I trained for a long time. So yeah, don't be stupid. You probably can't wake up one morning and run a sub-four hour marathon. Unless you're Dean Karnazes.

OK. So a friend of mine ran one of her many marathons at some point in time. Clearly. Anyway, so she posted a picture of how herself after this particularly super tough marathon and it really stuck with me. I kept thinking, "that is how someone looks when they run a marathon. That is how I should feel when I cross the finish line." I would say that is how I should look when I cross the finish line, but in all honesty, I will never be that photogenic. The point is, it was a reminder for me to leave it all in Philly, to really push myself for 26.2 miles, and as a reminder that this is my one chance to do what I set out to do.
So thank you, Rachel, for being my reminder during the last few miles when my right butt cheek felt like it was going to explode and my feet hurt like bitches, that it's all part of the game and that it's ok. It's ok to be spent at the end. And isn't nice to know that someone thinks of you at mile 23 when they have an intense pain in their ass? ;)

The very vague ins and outs of the Philly Marathon:
The half and the full started together. I counted down the miles until the half runners split from us. The aid stations were only 2 tables long and it got a little crowded. It was much better once we parted ways. I really want to make a comparison here to Chicago, but I'm pretty sure you got the picture from the first paragraph.

There were hills. Philly Marathon people need to stop saying this is a flat course. Chicago is flat. Philly has hills. Not HILLS, but hills. Enough of them for it to not be considered a flat course.

Philly does win over Chicago in 1 part (surprise!). Because the last half of the marathon was, more or less, an out and back, it meant I was able to see the top finishers go by which was super cool! Everyone running with me was clapping for the first few dudes and the first few ladies as they basically sprinted past us on the other side of the road. And man, talk about pained faces. Those runners leave everything out there. It's intense. And awesome.

Post Race
Not much here. We flew home the same day as the marathon. The first and longest leg of our trip was in first class. I highly recommend doing this if you're flying home after a marathon. All they do is feed you and fill up your wine glass.... for the entire flight. It's amazing. Did I mention they feed you?
By the time we got home I had discovered a whole new level of tiredness. And this is coming from someone who's had two kids. I can't even put into words how tired I was... but I sure will try. You know that time, usually around 4am, when you've been up all night because your tiny child has decided they are incapable of sleeping unless they are in your arms and you are standing up? It was sort of like that kind of tired. Except mix in a pinch of drunk, a smidge of drugs (I didn't take any but it sure felt like either I did or I should have), and 26.2 miles. Eghbleh.... that about sums it up.


It was so great to see old friends (Maja!) and meet new ones in Philly. The food was great, the company was greater and I laughed a lot. It was a win for sure. It feels awesome to be able to travel to a city you've never been and meet so many super people. What a blast.

I have two more races on the books. A Thanksgiving 5k and another one in December. After that, it will be on to a new adventure. I'm not quite sure what it is yet, which is a little (a lot!) scary. But I am excited to pass the reigns onto the Husband and see what sort of awesomeness he can accomplish in the world of marathons!!

Philly Marathon Countdown- 5 days!!

The Final countdown has begun. Philly is in 5 days. Yikes! I'm super excited about this marathon. I'm feeling good- like I can totally run 26 miles in under 4 hours. This is a vast improvement over my feeling for the past 2 weeks of just wanting it all to be over with.

I've been doing a lot of reflecting on running over the past few weeks. I think about how far I've come and how long it's taken me to get here. Perspective is a funny thing too:
A year ago my legs about fell off trying to do a 10 mile run. Sunday morning I was super excited because I only had to run 12 miles.
A year and half ago my pace for running speed sessions wasn't even listed on the board.* Now my pace is three quarters of the way up the board.
*(So at our speed sessions there is this neat board that has all these different paces/distances so you always know, no matter the distance, how fast you are supposed to run. It goes as fast as about 4 minute/mile and as slow as about 10 minute/mile. It's awesome.)
A year ago I didn't think I would ever be able to run significant distances at a pace that begins with an 8. Shoot, I was just trying to get my 5k splits down to that pace. Now my long run splits are fairly consistently at an 8-something pace.

Running is fun. Watching other people on their running adventures is fun too. My dad is starting his running adventure again and it's hilarious to see how excited he gets about it. We'll be doing a Turkey Trot this year together with one of my brothers.... I'll kick both of their asses but it'll still be fun ;) A friend of mine just did a 50 MILE trail race (crazy!).  And my husband is starting to plan out his next marathon adventure. I love it.

I think my own adventure is going to start winding down after Philly. I want to focus more on halfs, 10ks, and 5ks. And yoga. And sleeping in. And doing laundry less often.

Lessons learned from Chicago to take note of for Philly:
-keep track of my damn silicone YurBuds covers. It's just not the same without them.
-Audiobooks are fine for training runs, but Jersey Shore fist bumpin' songs are way better for races
-Remember the Glide. I actually did remember this for Chicago I'm just afraid I'll forget in Philly
-S-caps are your friend. Almost as much as ibuprofen.
-Find a place for the chapstick. For some reason I really need this when I run.
-eat

Post Marathon

It's been just over a week since The day. Recovery has been pretty smooth considering my legs covered more ground in 4 hours than some people drive in a weekend. I gave myself this past week to make excuses and be lazy. And eat lots of pizza. And peanut M&Ms. And pink sparkly cupcakes. I did manage to find enough motivation to get 4 miles in on a treadmill last week, but only once. Then I ran 10.5 miles yesterday. I was going to jump back on the full speed bandwagon by going to speed session tonight, but a sick kiddo and other things foiled my plans. So instead I will be jumping back on the frozen bandwagon tomorrow and running in 35 degree weather at 5:30am.... theoretically.

Other recovery notes:
Running a marathon made me tired for a week. I was in bed by 8:30 for a solid 5 nights in a row last week. I still feel more tired than usual, but I'm pretty sure that's an extension of the peanut M&Ms diet and laziness and will hopefully subside after I'm back on the wagon.

Signs I saw while running for 4 hours:
Some signs were really dumb. Some we've all seen a million times- even if you've never ran a marathon. Some were funny.
"My boyfriend is faster than your boyfriend." This sign was not funny. But I thought it would be funny if I stood next to her and held a sign that read "my husband is faster than your boyfriend."
"Your training for this race lasted longer than Kim Kardashian's marriage." It's funny because it's true.
"There's no time for Walken" with a big picture of Christopher Walken. Can you really look at a picture of him and not smile?? No. No, you can't.
While running through Boys Town there were a bunch of drag queens on a stage. I thought about saying, "we don't see that down in Arkansas", but decided I would just smile and run on. And think about how funny it would be if we did see that down in Arkansas.
"Worst parade ever." Yeah, you know what- worst sign ever! I should run with jolly ranchers and just throw them at people with that sign.

THE Chicago Marathon

I meant to do a pre-race post, but life and my to-do list got in the way. Shocker. So needless to say, this will be an unnecessarily long post chronicling the pre, during, and post of The marathon.

The Pre
First, I have to go back to my last post where I mentioned that my next run would be a 22 miler. It was. And it was awful. Kind of. What I was supposed to do was a 5 mile warm-up, 12 miles at an 8:30 pace, and a 5 mile cool-down. What I actually did was just run. And then try to go faster sometime part way through. It was a terrible idea. I ended up going too slow in the beginning, then running too fast in the middle (8:30 was probably too lofty a goal to begin with), and then hitting the wall at the end. I'm sure there are many different kinds of "walls". The bricks of my wall are made up of knee and hip pain. Apparently my bricks are 80 year olds. Anyway, this will all come back up in the "during" section.
OK, so back to the "pre".
The expo was neat and ridiculously efficient. I was impressed. I met Dean Karnazes and was impressed again. He was someone who genuinely wanted to have a conversation with every person in line and seemed like he actually cared about what they were saying.  
We had a pasta dinner the night before with lots of family. It was awesome. I say "we", but really "we" all just ate the food and my mom did everything else. She is a master at food/party efficiency. I never actually see her cooking in the kitchen, but food magically appears when it's time to eat. I did not inherit this ability.
*Sidenote. We got all the way to expo and had the car parked before I realized I left my id back at the house. It wasn't really a big deal, I just feel the need to admit that I did that.

The During
Eek! The during, the actual race, the big kahuna, the accumulation of 4 months of training. Here's the low-down. I slept fine. I woke up wide awake. The morning was good- not too rushed, not too early. Perfect timing. Perfect weather. The morning was super efficient. I wondered how it would go with all the security, but it was completely smooth. It was pretty much like what I think herding cattle would be like. "Red through gate, blue down the street. Corral E here, corral C up the road". Pretty simple.
The start was great. The speakers kept going out when the lady was singing the national anthem and once the runners realized what was happening, everyone started singing.  It was a neat moment in my history that I won't forget.

The crowds were amazing. I mean, it is Chicago after all. You almost don't even need headphones. Almost. I mean, for 26.2 miles there are people lining the streets. It's unreal and it's awesome. I think I smiled like a creep-o the whole time.
I felt great the whole time. I wanted to go faster, but all I could think about was that last 22 mile training run I did. During that run, I felt  great around 18ish miles and busted out 8:30ish miles. And then I got hit by the 80 year old bricks a couple miles later. I was terrified that would happen again so I ran on the conservative side.  

The last 8 miles played out differently than I would have guessed. Surprisingly, the second most difficult part of the whole marathon was trying to maneuver around everyone for the last 8 miles. The hardest part was the last 200 meters. By the time I passed the 26 mile marker, I was done. More mentally than physically I think, but done nonetheless.

I ran negative splits which I'm super happy about. My first 13 miles was 2:05 and the last was 2:00. I'm really looking forward to Philly and seeing if I can break 4:00. I really want to push myself on this one and see what happens.

The whole race really was awesome. I'm stoked with my time. I'm beyond grateful that I was given the opportunity to run. I'm super blessed to have a badass family that cooks pasta dinners, runs all over the great city of Chicago to cheer me on, and throws super awesome birthday/marathon/celebration parties.

The After
Recovery has been just fine. My joints hurt if I stand up after sitting too long. I'm super super tired at night which is unusual for me. I'm pretty sure I went to bed at 8:30 last night.

I've decided that signing up for 2 marathons is a good idea. You work so hard and train for so long for 1 run..... what if something goes wrong? All that work for less than desired results? I like the idea of a "practice" marathon. We'll see if I'm singing the same song in 5 weeks after Philly :)

<------------------ Almost done!!


1 less than happy child, 1 happy momma, 1 confused child------------------>

 

Countdown to Chi-town

I was just going to say that Chicago was 4 weeks away. Then I looked at the calendar and realized it's 3. Three weeks! I'm freaking out now. I can feel the anxiety building up as I type, so I opened the only medicine I knew would help settle me down.... the beer fridge. KC Pils it is. Did you know Boulevard Brewery makes a grape beer? I thought it would taste like grape juice trying to be a beer; which would be super gross. But it's not. It's more like if red wine and beer had a baby and that baby tasted like beer with an aftertaste of red wine. It's pretty cool. The guy in the gift shop said they should call it "Infidelity" and I think he's right.

I haven't been able to run this week. Monday we had a sick kiddo and I couldn't bring myself to leave her to go to speed session. I did manage to get 6 in Tuesday morning. And that's about it. My next run will probably be 22 miles on Sunday. 22. I don't think I even drive 22 miles during the week.

I'm still listening to the same audiobook and I still highly recommend it; in case you were wondering.

My dad went running with me this past weekend! It is nice to have company when you have a long run in front of you that you aren't super excited about :)

Back to the topic of speed sessions. A couple weeks ago they did a 1 mile time trial. I didn't know they were going to do this, but man am I glad they did. It was surprisingly fun! We split into 3 groups: A super duper fast group, a group that said their time would be sub-7:45, and everyone else. I ran with the sub- 7:45 group. Now guess what the "slowest" sub-7:45 runner's time was. Guess. 7:15. Bam! It was unreal to see and hear how fast everyone thought they could run and how they actually could run. I'll put myself in that group too. I thought I could run just under 7:00 and I ran sub- 6:30. Ridiculous and awesome.

18.1 miles of pure running bliss. And audiobooks

Let me first start off by saying how proud I am of the fact that I remembered the word "audiobook" for the title of this little tid bit. For some reason I keep saying "book-on-tape", like it's 1980 and I'm running with my walkman strapped to my hand and wearing neon tights with a thong on the outside.

So the book-on-tape audiobook was a Fantastic idea and I highly recommend it! Those 18 miles felt like.... well, nothing. It was like listening to a book while I happened to be running for 3 straight hours. No big deal. I've found my new Saturday-long-run-day-tradition. And the great thing about audiobooks- they are sooooo long. Not like an awesome song that only lasts 4 minutes. Audiobooks last hours. And hours. 16 hours.
I decided to go with the Cuckoo's Calling. It was at the top of every bookly list I looked at so I jumped on that bandwagon. So far so good. *Sidenote: I did Tina Fey's audiobook too on a long car trip. I lol'd multiple times. So did my husband. But don't listen to it if your parents are in the car. Or your children are capable of understanding what she is saying.

Chicago Marathon is creeping up on me. It's two months away. Eek! I'll be good to go. I'm just nervous. But I have new running shoes which means I'm ready to take on the world! New running shoes are so delightful.

Amazing News!

I have amazing news! There was Somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody who knew somebody... who had an extra entry into the Chicago Marathon! So guess who's running the Chicago Marathon!?!?!!? THIS GIRL! Whoop Whoop! I'm obviously beyond stoked for this. I love Chicago. I almost cried when I got the news that there was going to be an entry for me. Ok, that's a lie. I totally cried. And then we went to eat pizza and drink PBR to celebrate.

I'm still going to do Philly too though. So 2 marathons in 5 weeks. Yikes! Sounds crazy until I think of the person I know who will be doing 5 marathons in 5 days. Now that's a yikes! I'm super pumped for Philly too and super excited to see all the people I know who will be up there [hopefully running too! ;) ].

The S-Caps seem to be helping the cramping issues. I really think they make a difference when it's 95% humidity and 95 degrees outside.

Did I mention last time that I lost my iPod over vacation? I didn't really lose it- I just misplaced somewhere in Indiana... I think. Anyway, I started thinking more about how all the running magazines and all the books tell you to "tune out and tune in to what your body is saying" "listen to nature" "be aware of your surroundings". Well, since I was iPodless anyway I thought I'd give it a whirl. And here is the conclusion I came to: F that sh**. I went out and bought a brand new iPod. I would much rather drown out my labored breathing and tune out the fact that my legs feel like cement trucks. And if I ever actually "listened" to my body, I would probably never run again. Speed sessions hurt. Running 16 miles hurts. Waking up a 4:50am hurts (mentally anyway). But I love it and what's why I do it. And I do it with music because honestly, who can run slowly when you have Rihanna's "We Found Love" blasting in your ears?? No one.

I didn't end up running the Run for the Grapes 5k. The night before the race I battled an insane migraine that even my prescription meds couldn't alleviate and the weather was supposed to be crap and rainy the morning of, so I decided to bail on the race. It was a good decision.

So what's next? This upcoming weekend is supposed to be an 18 mile run. It will be the longest I've ever run. Even training for Chicago 10 years ago I think the longest I managed to do was just under 18 (I didn't have a car, was in a new town, and this was before things like gps watches and mapmyrun. Old school, man). I'm debating trying out the whole book-on-tape thing for this run. My playlist gets pretty short pretty quickly when you're talking about running for 3 hours....

Marathon training begins!

My marathon training program officially began the week before July 4th, which was a bad idea since 4th of July was vacation week. And man, I did a lot of vacationing that week. I vacationed from running (ok, I ran a couple times). I vacationed from not being a smoker (how about that confession, eh??). I vacationed from having a responsible one drink a night limit. It was a great vacation :) 

This training plan is tough. It's taking me out of my comfort zone in running; which is a good thing. I think. I guess we'll find out in November at Philly.

I've learned to become a lover of the 5am wake up call. Well, maybe not a lover, but definitely an appreciator. The weather is awesome at 5am. There are a shocking number of runners, bikers, and cross-fitters out too. It's great to see that many people so early!

Ok so here are the challenges I'm working out right now:
1. Monday night speed sessions wipe me out. Which is awesome and I love it! Except it means that Tuesday morning workouts don't happen. Or any Tuesday workouts. I really just need to suck it up and land my butt at the gym for some cross training in the a.m.
2. My knee still hurts sometimes.
3. I'm getting cramps. I've focused more on hydrating and that seems to help some. I'm also playing around with taking S-Caps before long runs and Monday night sessions.

Right before vacation I did the Cancer Challenge 5K. It's one of my favorite races! It's a flat course that starts at one of my favorite parks. Oh yeah, and the goody bags always have tons of super awesome swag in them. I ran the 5k with full intention of PRing- and I did! I still have about 20 seconds that I want to take off before the end of the year, but this was goal 1 and I accomplished it! Whoop whoop!

I believe the next race on the calendar is the Run for the Grapes 5K. I'm less excited for the race and more excited for the pasta and fried chicken dinner that I have full intention of eating everyday for like a week. It's life changing.

Lots of running

The mystery run was a blast! Definitely going to do it every year from now until eternity. I think next year we will have a better plan and more people and create a "team".... which is kind of like cheating but I'm ok with that.

I have 3 races to update on:

1. Speedy Skunk 10k. This is the first year I've ran and it was HOT. It's not like normal hot weather, it's like no-shade, nowhere to hide, blazing sun, cut through the humidity with a knife, kind of hot weather. One mile into the race I started thinking about ways I could decrease the amount of clothing I was wearing. I even started to wonder how many people would be offended if I took of my shorts and ran in my thong. True story. Anyway, I decided to keep my shorts on and ended up PRing by over 3 minutes!

2. Cross Country 5k. The 5ks have been kicking my ass lately. The one I did in Illinois I didn't even come close to running what I wanted to. I ran this one poorly too. I've always been a negative split kind of runner. Start slow, pace yourself, and tear it up at the end. Not the case anymore. My first mile was 7:37 and my last mile was 8:18. The difference in mile splits is embarrassing. So my goal for the next 5k- which is at the end of June- is to pace myself so that 1. I run around 23:45 and 2. I run even or negative splits. I can do it, I can do it, I can do it.

3. War Eagle 25k. This race is badass. If you've ran this race, you are a badass. Once again, I've spectated the past 2 years. This is the first year I've actually ran. This is also the race I debated on doing the 50k. Here is the issue I faced with this particular run: The actual distance you run on these trail races is different than what the distance says it's supposed to be. This is something you know going into the race. It's not a surprise. But I couldn't stop thinking about the 10k two years ago that ended up being 9 miles instead of 6.2. NINE. Yikes. So the whole time I kept thinking about "what if this race ends up being 17 miles? I'd better pace myself just in case." Of course, in hindsight that line of thinking was totally stupid. It's not like this is the first year they've done the 25k. So obviously if there was a distance issue, they would have fixed it already. Sometimes I very seriously think I need to be medicated..... like anti-anxiety type medicated. I bet I'd be a better runner.
The husband ran with me for this race which was cool. Well, 90% of the time it was cool. The other 10% I was thinking about throwing a rock at his head. Like at mile 12 when he asked me how my shoes were doing. Really?? We're 12 miles into what ended up being a 13.3 miles race... does it really matter now how my shoes are doing?? No, it doesn't. What a strange question to ask.

So that's my update. I feel like I need to give a shout-out to some super runners before I go:
-My husband totally kicked that War Eagle 25k's butt. We both think he can and should do the 50k next year.
-Brian ran the 50k and that in itself is amazing
-My dad ran that 5k back in Illinois with me and he did great! Not too many people over the age of 50 can just up and run a 5k without training. Ok, really not many people at all can just up and run a 5k. My dad has always had an amazing ability to run, usually pretty fast, without training. I think that's a trait inherent to natural-born runners, which he is.

Mystery Run!!

I signed up for a mystery run today! What exactly does that mean, you ask??  The answer is... I have no idea. What I do know is that I really wish I had a runny buddy to do this with.... any takers?? Ok I lied. I know a little about it. Here it is:

Next Thursday at 7:00pm we will meet somewhere. I've already forgotten where. And I will be given a bib number and a map. At which point in time I will probably get back in my car and drive home because things on paper scare me. This would be much easier if they just texted us the map at the start. That way I could just break out my phone and plug it into Google Maps and then I'd be set! But alas, this is not to be the case. So I will get back out of my car and attempt the following 2 things:
1. Find (or bribe) a friend to run with me
2. Read a map
This map is apparently going to show 11 different spots that I will need to run to. At each spot I will need to find a "thing". Once I have all 11 "things" I run back and hopefully I'm the first one there and I win! Yay winning! I'm totally kidding- I will not win. But I've heard that there will be "cool beverages" at the end which means I will definitely finish. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention- this race could be anywhere from 4-10(!) miles! Yikes!

Soooooo who's going to run it with me??

13.1s and 5s

A post about running.

If you remember, I was supposed to run the Bentonville Half Marathon a mere 12 hours after we landed back from our vacation in Paris.  I trained pretty hard for this race. I did hill repeats on the terrible, horrible hill that was to be around mile 12 of this race. I went to lots of speed sessions. I ran as much as my time and guilt allowed me to. And then I ended up not being able to run the half because, well, life happens. I still miss my grandma......
But this is a good post! About persevering! And busting through the cloud of depression that seemed to so easily descend on my pretty-much-perfect life. Here's how it went:

We got back from Paris and I was an emotional mess. We went to Chicago for the funeral and I was even more of an emotional mess- by this time "anger" had entered by emotional whirlwind- not fun. We got home and the mess continued. I was pissed off, super sad, bordering on depressed, and lots of other weird emotions. I did not want to run. Or work. Or talk to people. At all. Ever. I wanted to sit mindlessly and alternate my drinking between wine and coffee and smoke cigarettes and not be around anyone. I was clearly not in a good place....

Then I start thinking about how far I've come in my running and how far I still have to go. And how much it would suck to start from square one again. But at the same time it seemed to easy and so desirable to just throw in the towel and walk away. But Instead of throwing in the towel, we threw the kids in the car on a Saturday afternoon and drove down to Fayetteville to sign me up for the Hogeye Half Marathon on Sunday morning :) So on April 14th I put my half marathon training to use and killed it in the half! Here are the 3 things I will always remember from that half:
1. I spent the first 5 miles trying not to cry. Crying and running are a strange combination.
2. I may or may not have attempted to chug a PBR at mile 10.
3. I passed lots of dudes in the last 3 miles. I'm attributing this to running on PBR power.



Other notes:
*I ran a 5k up in Illinois last weekend. My goal was 23:30. I wasn't even close. I ran a 24:17.
*I ran 10 miles last Monday and got sunburned. Then it snowed on Friday. Weird.
*Next Race: Speedy Skunk May 18th (I think). Now to decide on 5k or 10k???

Ode to Ma Grandmere

This entry will be very much not about running. Its more about feelings. To quote a very funny person from years ago, "Feelings. What are those? Sounds dangerous. If I see one, I'll squash it." If you share this sentiment, quit reading now and wait for the next post which will actually be about running.

This will be a very long post about my Grandma. Because I want to remember her. And I miss her.

My Grandma died. Super expectantly. The day we got to Paris. I am sad. Very sad. Like the empty inside kind of sad. And it sucks. She was not supposed to die. She was supposed to live to 100 with a gin and tonic in her hand. Or a coffee. And my Grandpa was supposed to be the one handing it to her like he did every morning in bed and every night on the porch. But that's not going to happen now and I'm sad about it. Crazy sad. And a little mad.  I'm pretty much working my way through all the stages of grief that some quacked-out doctor made up years and years ago. 

I was supposed to be able to tell her about my trip to Paris.  She was Really Excited for me to go and Really Excited to hear about it. She told me so when I talked to her the week before I left. But now I don't get to tell her about it. I think that makes this whole deal a lot harder. It's great that I got to talk to her one last time (I don't talk to her very often on the phone) but it's not great that the conversation was never finished. I'm still supposed to tell her about Paris. Now I can't. And I'm not the kind of person who wants to be told, "you can still tell her. She'll hear you." No, she won't. It's not the same and it doesn't help. Not right now.

I miss her so much.

Grandma had two spoons for her coffee. One was supposed to be for stirring and one was for scooping instant coffee. One spoon was supposed to be face up and the other was face down. I can never remember which was which. I love that my grandma drank coffee. Most of my favorite people in the world are coffee drinkers. This talk of coffee leads me to two very important questions:
1. Who will yell at my husband from the other room now when he, for a split second, dares to lay his coffee mug down on the table sans coaster??
2. Who will drink the massive amount of coffee that is still left in the basement?? We're talking quantities that would put Sam's Club and Costco to shame. It's a lot of coffee.

Grandma loved to show me her quilts that she made. Well, that's what I tell myself at least. Maybe she just loved to have a second set of hands to hold them up while she took pictures. Either way, I enjoyed being shown. The pool table in her basement was actually, at one point in time, a pool table. Then she got into quilting. And what better way to lay out your next quilt-ified masterpiece than on a felt-covered pool table?? So the pool table has not actually been a pool table for many, many years. Except for this past weekend... I caught a glimpse of that cleared off pool table and had to turn my head. It has many great memories for me as a pool table, but I  prefer to remember it as Grandma's work station.

Sometimes I wonder how many people got to see all the sides of Grandma. Grandma, to me, was always just.... Grandma. Always determined and decisive. Always happy. Always glad to talk to someone. Always glad to put me, my husband, and our two little girlies up for a week or two. Always glad when someone came to visit. And the best part- she let you know it too. She made me feel like I did her a favor every time we came to visit :) How awesome of a feeling is that?? How awesome is the person who can make you feel like that?? Damn Awesome.
But there was more to Grandma than just being Damn Awesome. I'm sure my Grandpa knows it. Maybe her kids know it too. I spent two days thinking about whether or not to include this "beyond being Damn Awesome" part of my memoir. It's a little sad and super personal. But I decided the quacked-out doctor from years and years ago would probably say it was a "good idea" and "therapeutic". The two glasses of wine I've had tonight concur. So here it goes:

Grandma apologized to me once. Years and years ago. She didn't say she was sorry, she apologized. There's a difference.
She found out I was upset with her. This was true- I was very upset with her. I was mad at her and sad at her and felt like she was being mean to me on purpose and for no reason. That's the truth. Then I had a breakdown in front of a little birdie. The little birdie told Grandma. Now, let me tell you what Grandma didn't do:
1. She didn't say "pish posh silly Eileen is just being sensitive"
2. She didn't say "I'm sorry you feel that way" and move on
3. She didn't pull some other half-ass one-line "sorry" on me
4. She didn't ignore the situation
5. She didn't get mad or sad or upset with me in return
She called me. Right away. And apologized. I remember it being the most heartfelt, genuine, and eloquent apology ever spoken. She was genuinely concerned that she had made me feel that way. She was sorry her actions had caused me pain. Whether or not my reaction to her actions was "legit" or not was never an issue for her. All that mattered to her was that I was hurting. She let me know beyond a doubt that making me feel that way was never her intention - not just by saying those words, but by saying it in a way that made me believe, beyond a doubt, that she really and truly meant it. And she did. 
How many people can say they have put aside every ounce of pride, let down every wall of defensiveness, and removed all aspects of stubbornness to genuinely apologize to someone? I am almost 30 years old and can't say that I've been on either side of that question... except for this one time. Damn Awesome. That's what my Grandma is. Damn Awesome.

 

July 2013

Cross Your Fingers!

I find out tomorrow whether or not I received one of the 15,000 lottery spots for Chicago! Fingers crossed!! I have a couple Plan Bs that I'm tossing around, just in case. I kinda figure go big or don't go, so my top 3 plan Bs are: Athens, Greece; Hawaii; or Philadelphia.

There a few awesome updates I'd like to post about.  I'll keep it short.

1. I broke 24 minutes in the 5K!! I'm like a semi-legit runner now.  Although, I'm not convinced it wasn't a fluke so I'd like to try and do it again just to make sure ;)

2. I ran an 8k and it was cold and windy.  My face was windburned for 2 days afterwards.  Let me tell you, windburn is a pretty attractive look.  Especially on the face. You should try it sometime. I did get 2nd in my age group which was neat.  Except I didn't get a medal because they messed up my chip time.  But it's all good. 

3. The next race on the calendar is the Bentonville Half Marathon on April 6th.  This one will be interesting.  It starts less than 12 hours after my flight lands from a week long vaca in Paris. Luxury problems are fun :)

4. I was supposed to run 11 miles yesterday.  A mile and a half into my run I came upon 2 spots on the path where it was totally flooded. Not the kind of flooded you could jump over either.  So what did I do? Did I turn around and find another way around the flooded part of the path? Nope, I sure didn't.  I ran straight through the flooded path like an asshole. Twice. And soaked my shoes. I'm an idiot.  You know that time when you put your car keys on your seat and stare at them sitting there as you proceed to lock and close your car door? And only after you close the locked door you think, "damn. my keys are on the seat"? It was kinda like one of those moments. 
So I called my husband to pack up both kids and come meet me with my old runing shoes and new socks (how selfish am I??)  But then I decided I was too wet and cold and didn't want to run anymore so I just had him come pick me up.
To make up for my moments of brillance yesterday and decided I would run 12 miles today. I ran 13.1 instead :)

    

Chicago Marathon Drama!

Have you heard the latest about the Chicago Marathon????  You can't sign up for it!  I'm having a little bit of anxiety over this.  And it's increasing everyday.  What if I don't get in??? That was a scenario that NEVER even crossed my mind! Go back to the very first blog entry. Is "not getting in" listed anywhere there???? Nope. It Isn't.  What happens if I don't get in? What then? The whole is not to run A marathon, the whole point is to run the CHICAGO marathon. I had the registration date marked on my calendar and everything. I went to the website and tried to register at 1:15 (reg opened at noon) and it wouldn't let me. This is sad.

They said they will tell us what their solution is by Thursday at 3:00.  Until then, I will just sit anxiously and hope I don't have to think of a Plan B. 

Family Runs

Family runs are my favorite, especially on super nice 60ish degree days in January. 

It takes about a mile for the babies to get settled into the whole sitting in a stroller thing.  Blankets fall off, baby dolls get run over by the stroller, sippy cups go flying; but after a mile everything seems to settle in place and we can run accident free for a while.  We did a nice little jog from our house to downtown Bentonville and back. Five glorious miles that I loved every second of. Once again, I can't stress enough how awesome it is to live next to a path that goes super far. Soooooo nice.

I need to get my running butt back in gear.  I've been slacking for the past 6 weeks.  There are a couple races coming up we're going to do and I'm pretty excited about that.  There's a Valentines run on the 9th and I will be doing the 8K.  I've never run an 8K and don't actually know how far it is in miles......... but I guess I'll find out on the 9th.  Or just google it.  That's what they should teach in math classes- easy ways to remember how to convert Ks to miles.  Silly america making things all confusing by being different. 

The next race is the Bentonville half marathon.  I'm being told it may be a bad idea to run it since I'll be overseas the week before and won't get back home until Friday evening and the race is Saturday morning. Well Naysayers, let me tell YOU what I think. I think that I'm going to adapt a new motto starting right now: "If Dean Karnazes can...".  It's more like a half-motto.  And the "..." is a very essential part of the quote. I can't exactly say "If Dean Karnazes can, I can" because that would be a lie.  He runs 100 miles on a seemingly regular basis.  That is crazy.  I can't run 100 miles.  BUT maybe I can say, "If Dean Karnazes can run 199 miles at one time to raise money for sick children, then I can wake up in the morning after a week in Paris and run 13."  Positive thoughts and perspective. Yep.

All that being said, tomorrow I will be back on the running wagon. It's supposed to be sunny and 50-something.   Perfect weather.  I will just need to make sure I don't get too caught up in renovating the bathroom and run out of time to run. 

3 Steps Back and Glorious Memories.

I'm not sure if I've taken 2 steps forward and 3 steps back, or 3 steps forward and 2 steps back, or if I've just started walking backwards.  Either way, I was just humbled by a 2.6 mile run.

There are many factors (excuses? sometimes I'm not sure where to draw the line) that probably contributed to this backwards run.  Allow me to list:
1. I'm still trying to kick the cough from the upper respiratory extravaganza I was blessed (not!) with over Christmas.
2. I've only run once in what feels like a month, but is probably more like 3 weeks (it was an amazing run that I will chronicle once I'm done bitching about getting bitch slapped by 2.6 miles)
3. I'm stressed.  Normally, I would be able to run or go the gym after a stressful stretch of life and workout all my issues.  As it is right now, that is not an option. 
4. I am an ex-smoker, turned non-smoker, turned occasional-social-smoker and I fell off the bandwagon over Christmas. I'm actually not sure how much this had to do with the 2.6 miles-of-crap-run, but I thought it was worth a mention.

Ok that's all.  Now let me list the positives of this run (yes- there were some!)
1. It was almost 70 degrees outside and it was January 11.  This would be why I live in the south.
2. I just bought a much needed new pair of running shoes and wore them out of the store to go for my run
3. I was sporting my new Christmas present- GPS watch! And was beyond thrilled to use it! And my newly purchased shoes just happen to match the GPS watch perfectly.  No, I did not do that on purpose.  Everyone just seems to be putting out lime green and white colored runningly-things.

The next chance I'll have to go for a run will be Friday.  Let's hope the weather cooperates so I don't end up confined to the treadmill.

Here's the short story of the Super Awesome Chicago Run over Christmas:

 

It was Christmas Eve in Chicago and the weather was amazing.  My husband and I did a 45ish minute run around our old neighborhood. The houses are tons of fun to look at and it brought back sweet memories.  I felt great the whole time- like I could run forever- and we were going at a decent pace too.  It was glorious.  Some of my favorite memories are of running with my husband.  This particular day will be remembered and cherished, just like our run together around Central Park. And the one time years ago we ran together for over an hour in the rain.